I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize