After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
