i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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