I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Mom said you looked used
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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