never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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