and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
