his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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