Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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