i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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