he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
