yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
