And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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