This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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