we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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