Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
