A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
