dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize