Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
