So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
