I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
