I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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