I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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