Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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