I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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