haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
40s are totally the cure
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
