You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
