pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
