"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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