So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
