What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
