I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
