I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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