Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
