Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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