Dignity is for republicans.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
