got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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