tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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