new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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