I'm going to jail i love you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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