i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
