I want to stick my p in your. b.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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