i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
