he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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