He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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