whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I touched a dick in church today
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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