Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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