party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
