whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
