Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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