we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
