My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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