Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
