Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
