So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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