What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
