just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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