WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drake has all the answers
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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