i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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