Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
