would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
