Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
