My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
