also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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