living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
two words...techno handjob
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
