It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
