my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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