You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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