filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
