Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
