So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
