she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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