so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
