just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
