so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
